Day 7: A Part of me; Then the other Part

"Breaking the faith is taking a side"

I am literally pounding on my keyboard. I am so furious, towards myself  and I don't know who else. Looking at my weak heart that cannot take a side. I have been thinking on this piece for weeks. I am mad about the secret-code. I have realized that most people live by this code and it is seriously unfair, it is retrogressive and it is the worst code people can live. It is the reason, most people are immoral, unkind, callous and so many other bad things i can name. Writing this makes me want to spill my guts out of anger, because I find myself wanting to live by this code. I hate myself for trying to compromise and even trying to understand this useless code.

What I mean by the secret code;

 Pretending to live by nonexistent rules, you cant ask questions, you can act or react, you simply have to adjust or understand the situation. Truth I expect explanations. If it is not based on truth, then it is not worth it. Damn the secret code because it makes you null, your thoughts and desires optional.

The secret code is redundant; it makes you a beggar to scraps and it never allows you to speak out or negotiate for what your are worth. Most people expect us to live by it. TO NEVER COMPLAIN AND THE MOMENT YOU ASK QUESTIONS, YOU TURN OUT TO BE A NAG.

Well, as it suggests, secret code, it means dumb, silent. As a talker, when i am subjected to a secret-code condition or situation:  I spend nights awake, thinking and re-thinking. I spent days speaking to myself. I look at pictures, I scroll through conversations. All they make me, is more angry. I hate being put under a code that yields me nothing but pain. A code that expects me to understand, that it is not my time. A code that wastes my time and energy. My thoughts shame me for not standing up. My head and heart wont give me a rest. As I said, I took part in this expose to bring myself to accountability for my actions, my thoughts(Even the deepest ones that keep me awake). Someone I love told me, that I cannot be the moral police. Well, at the moment, I know i am the moral police of myself, and at least 2 other people. 

I have had an opportunity to interact with people, have exchanges(words and pictures), I will say, people have given me tonnes to chew on. some of our conversations were imposed by me. I like pressing to know, that's why the secret code is not suitable for me. It makes me feel suffocated. I can not be me when subjected to the code. Well, I have plenty of secrets(for myself and friends). But the secret code is not my thing. Anything that requires me to compromise with silence, my place in life and anything that dims my light-It simply does not fit with the facts of my faith. Well, everyone else can drag it all out, But this is where my head is at. I am taking a side.

To be continued.